This post is shared in memory of Susan Aharona Shackman (1976-2025)
This is a guitar version of the last song I sang to a dear friend almost exactly one year ago, on the day that she died. It’s called “Pachamama, I’m Coming Home” and is a song that is often sung at Rainbow Gatherings, which was a culture and community that was very dear to Susie. (Full lyrics included at the end of this post)
About a year ago I had the uncomfortable blessing of being there for the last two days of my dear friend Susie’s life. By the time I saw her in person, she was no longer awake and/or communicating with words. In that setting, the division between healing and curing became stark.
For her, there was no chance of a cure (cessation of symptoms), but I was able to join the family, friends, and hospital staff that were with her during those last days, suporting her as she found healing (whole-ing) so that she could let go in peace.
I got to be with her for about 3 hours on each of two consecutive days. Day one, I brought and played my guitar, and without any words needing to be spoken, it was immediately obvious that it was not the right music at the right time for the right person. So I put my guitar away for the rest of the visit.
Day two, I didn’t even bring the guitar in to her room. But while driving to see her that day, the memory of a song came to me that I thought might be helpful for her to hear.
I had a moment in the afternoon when other family and friends had stepped out of the room. I started singing her the song. It felt exactly right. I sang it through twice. Afterward, there was a peace in the room. It felt like there wasn’t anything left to do. I was nervous and sad to say goodbye that day, because if felt like it would likely be the last time.
On my drive home that afternoon, amidst a cloudy but mostly sunny sky, there was one minute of hard rain, and then the sun came out again. I had a feeling that that was her saying goodbye. I learned later that she did in fact take her last breath a few hours after that rain. Sister, we heard you ❤️
Pachamama, I’m Coming Home
I want to be free, so free Like a flower and a bee
Like a bird in a tree, the dolphin in the sea
I want to fly high, so high like an eagle in the sky
And when my time has come I’m gonna lay down and die
and when my time has come I’m gonna rise up and fly.
I want to be free, be me be the being that I see
Not to rise and not to fall. Being one and loving all.
There’s no high there’s no low There is no place I can go
Just inside a little star telling me, be as you are.
credits: Alexa Sunshine Rose, arr. traditional